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Devolution of Man

1882, the year when one of the worlds greatest minds saw its fatal end, Mr Charles Darwin.  He left us with a theory, an ideology that we are not the end all but a progressive specie, developing and adapting to best suit our survival.  We are the bi-product of evolution.  Over billions of years we have changed from being primitive apes to sophisticated human beings, learning to use tools and inventing technology, taking us to the pinnacle of the food chain.  Because of evolution we are what we are today.  If thats true…. then its safe to say that as men, evolution really f**ked us.

Don’t get me wrong we have made some major accomplishments: we invented paper; yea thats useful, we invented the telephone; something some of us regret, and even the printing press, but the one thing that was supposed to come naturally, we men somehow lost it somewhere between the homo-erectus stage and homophobic-assholicus (made that one up myself :]). We somehow lost our edge that we had over our feminine counterparts, our weaker rivals…. the “oh-so-intimidating” women (cue dramatic music).

Today we are the laughing stock of every other manly animal in the world, its as if having opposable thumbs and a penis is like being black in a KKK meeting, we just don’t get the respect we think we deserve.  Somewhere the power struggle shifted and instead of how it was back in ancient Egypt, (where after a long day of pyramid hauling we could come home to a woman who could never dare complain about a headache or even tell us to sleep in the couch made of sheep spleen unless risk being stoned to death), we’re living like the mantis, instead we get our heads bitten off waaay before the sex.

Before so much evolving there was a time when it was an honor to have a penis, a privilege.  It defined us, it gave us power and authority, but now, its as if we traded our penises for very wrinkly, unshaven vagina(s); the type Tim Meadows (Ladies Man Reference) refuse. And you know whats the worst part, it is entirely our fault.  

We gave them too much power, we needed them too much, and they did what any other smart, power-depraved, evolving animal would do, they acted upon our needs and forced our favor.  They learnt to say no and we, sad to say, learnt to beg.  I could shoot Webster and his stupid dictionary now.  We acted as if they weren’t the one’s getting the multiple orgasms… as if they weren’t enjoying it way more than we did.  We disregarded the fact that they loved the penis (and still do) and just gave them our reign.  We became Yes Men, I’ll do Anything, We evolved, and allowed the woman to take one step ahead.  And now it would seem that we live to make them happy, we have to work so hard in order to get what we once had in sheer abundance.  We evolved and became women and them now men… but hopefully not indefinitely.  

No matter how many times you train a dog to be fearless and cruel he’ll still have a soft spot for bones.  What am I getting at?  A woman will always be woman and its time for men to be men. Stop acting as if they are better than us because that is why they think they are.  Its ok to not laugh when they are corny, its ok to reject them when they’re dumb.  In order to gain power you have to take it… they want it so you make them work to get it.  They trick us into thinking that sex is the prize but its not, power is, your pride is.  It might take days, months, millenniums, but if we start now one day we will regulate the power in the society between man and woman and can be once again ranked among the lions instead of the insects.  We will eventually give the human penis the great power it once had when ranked against all other penises.  But first we need to de-evolve.

We need to get back to the state of mind that allowed women to flock to our feet, that forced them to respect us. -ugh enough of this this movie speech- fellas we need to learn to say “no” more.

We need to… oh are those boobs… I really gotta go guys, duty calls!

We Link!

-Mannin Marsh